I don't know about you but sometimes I feel as though my number one job at home is "mediator of the kids" or "referee." Certain days I feel as though all I hear is, "she did this" or "he said that!" Can anyone relate? Now thank the Lord it is not everyday. I would say that generally speaking my kids are really good, love each other and enjoy playing with each other. Lincoln literally said to me the other day, "mom i'm so glad that I have Ally to play with." I seriously wanted to cry! But on those days, when you want to pull your hair out, run into the bathroom and lock the door, it is good to have a system in place for navigating all those childish fights. Now the system I'm going to share with you is FAR from perfect but it works for us and the goal of it is heart change.
If one of my precious children come to me and tell me that their sibling was unkind to them, I then take the defendant alone into another room and proceed to have this chat with them.
1. I ask them what they did wrong.
2. We talk about how that wrong thing is a sin. i.e. If they pushed someone I tell them that they not only broke God's law but the governments law as well. (this always gets their attention)
3. I tell them that we all sin. We all fall short of God's glorious standard. Even mommy and daddy sin sometimes! (this is derived from Romans 3:23)
4. I tell them that unfortunately our sin separates us from God. God doesn't even hear our prayers until we say sorry for our sin. (Is 59:2)
5 Finally I share the good news with them. If we confess our sins, say we are sorry to God, He is faithful to forgive us! (1 John 1:9)
The first time I implemented this I literally took them to the bible and looked up each verse and read it to them. I wanted them to see that it really was in the bible. Now I just recite the scripture to them myself.
After I walk them through each of these steps I lead them in a prayer that goes something like this. "Jesus, I am sorry for (insert the committed sin). Please help me to not (insert the committed sin). Thank you for forgiving me.
THEN I tell them exactly how to go and say sorry to their sibling. I make them go to their sibling, put their hand on their shoulder and then look them straight in the eyes. I make them say, "I am sorry for (insert committed sin). I will not do that again.
I have always encouraged the prosecutor (hehe) to say, "I forgive you." For some reason my kids wanted to say, "It's ok." I want my kids to know that it's NOT ok when people hurt you, but we say, "I forgive you."
I think it's so important, in the early years of our kids life, to just show them exactly how to pray and how to say sorry. These are the training years. We cannot expect them to instinctively know how to pray to God and say sorry, or say sorry to their sibling. We have to model it to them first, and do it over and over again until they get it all on their own.
Now please don't think we have it all together over here at the Sorcinelli household. I literally just implemented this detailed version of our reconciliation process a year ago. And there are definitely days when I am not on my game. Anyways, I hope that you find this system of reconciliation helpful!
Happy mediating!!!
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